


Burgers and Bubble Gum

by ThirdRateDuelist



Series: Win/Lose/Draw [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Humor, M/M, Pre-Relationship, the bubble gum is a metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirdRateDuelist/pseuds/ThirdRateDuelist
Summary: Between Jounouchi's impudence and Yuugi's prying, Kaiba wasn't having the best of days. To make it even worse, Mokuba brought home a bad idea.
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Kaiba Seto
Series: Win/Lose/Draw [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649866
Comments: 15
Kudos: 105





	Burgers and Bubble Gum

**Author's Note:**

> Intended as a prequel to my long fic, Bad Times. I like to think it can stand on its own too.

Kaiba hadn't had particularly high hopes for the day, but it was already going fairly badly. In front of him and his folded arms, Jounouchi blew a pale pink bubble, roughly three centimetres in diameter, and then chewed it back into his mouth. "Want some?" he asked, holding out the half consumed packet. 

Approaching as a wild animal approaches food held in a palm, Kaiba took one small, neat cuboid, unwrapped it, and then shoved it indelicately into his mouth in half the time it took Jounouchi to blink. He realised this was a mistake even before he'd finished the action - stupidity being contagious, apparently - but acknowledging his own mistakes had never been something Kaiba was particularly inclined to do. 

To make matters worse, Jounouchi just shook the pack at him again. "Take two. Never get a good bubble with just one, right?" 

Of course. How foolish of him. 

Kaiba took another and began to chew. The taste was nauseatingly saccharine, and he already felt lightheaded from it. He would not spit it out however, as Kaiba never backed down from a challenge, especially not from this idiot who saw fit to seek them out despite his impressive losing streak. 

Still working his own gum, Jounouchi stuffed the pack back in his jean pocket and leaned across the glossy counter of the game shop on the heels of his palms. Kaiba chewed cautiously, and watched through narrowed eyes as, seemingly with ease, Jounouchi blew another bubble roughly half the size of his head before pulling it back into his mouth with practiced lips. "Beat that," he dared. 

There was a clattering sound from the floor above. Yuugi sure was taking his time - perhaps listening in on them, testing that they were aquiesting to his request not to fight. Continuing to work his jaw, Kaiba maneuvered the gum about his mouth experimentally, feeling the texture smoothen and the cloying taste settle to a more bearable level of sugar. Kaiba never backed down from a challenge, it was true, but…

With every passing second, Jounouchi’s eyes widened a little further. After two minutes of silence in which Kaiba was utterly unable to produce anything, Jounouchi's eyes were widened well beyond what should've been physically possible. Kaiba disliked looking at them even more than he normally disliked looking at Jounouchi, which was a great deal. With his raucous blonde mop and voice like a buzzsaw, Jounouchi had the presence of a drip period Pollock canvas: demanding, disorienting, and disconcerting. _Convergence_ came to mind. 

"You've _never_ had bubble gum before?" Jounouchi asked, incredulous. “Seriously?”

Folding his arms and standing even straighter than before, Kaiba glared at him. “And you’ve never managed the simple trick of chewing with your mouth closed. What’s your point?” It couldn’t be _that_ hard, Kaiba thought to himself as he continued to be aggravated by the idiotic splatter of a person currently before him. He chewed furiously. He’d figure it out. 

Jounouchi was grinning again, lips brushing against the fingers of his right hand as he propped his chin on his palm. “Want some help?” he smirked, blowing out another pale pink bubble then reeling it back in. Not as big this time. It didn’t need to be, Kaiba supposed in a quiet, sulking fury. He’d already won. “You gotta roll it into a ball with your tongue - don’t bite it - then-”

“I do not require your help,” Kaiba bit out at him, and then bit down on his own gum for good measure. How was he supposed to not bite it? It was difficult enough not to swallow the damn stuff, but now he had to use just his tongue? That went against every instinct he had.

Being as he delighted in getting under Kaiba's skin at all times, Jounouchi responded by blowing another bubble. Kaiba watched the motion, watched the way Jounouchi's jaw worked and his lips puckered; the way his tongue darted out afterwards, likely to clean up the sticky residue the bubble left in its wake. "My secret then," he concluded with a shrug, and went back to restocking the shelves. 

Despite his close observation, Kaiba found himself no closer to being able to execute the maneuver. He had to flatten the gum out thin enough that he could blow into it, that much was obvious. But should he flatten it against the back of his front teeth or the roof of his mouth? Neither method yielded satisfying results: against his teeth, the gum became uneven and there didn't seem to be enough space for it; against the roof of his mouth seemed to work better, until he found himself unable to then move the flattened gum to the front of his mouth without folding or breaking it. Kaiba teethed at said gum again out of frustration, hating the feeling of it taking up space. He was producing a great deal more saliva than he was accustomed to due to the intrusion, and he kept having to stop chewing to swallow down the excess. 

At the sound of Yuugi's footsteps on the shop's creaking stairs, Kaiba removed the insolent gum from his mouth and threw it into the trash can underneath the counter. Shuffling onto the shop floor, Yuugi greeted him with his signature smile, polite but by no means fake. "Okay, I’m ready. You?" he asked Kaiba. 

It was a rather unnecessary question - it was he who Kaiba had been waiting for after all - but Kaiba appreciated the sentiment and gave the room a cursory look over before responding. He refused to let his gaze stop on Jounouchi's annoying, bubble-blowing person for even a second. "Of course," he answered, and promptly swept out of the store, stepping outside into the hesitant February air and leaving one booted foot against the door to hold it open.

"Have fun on your lunch date with the terminator," Jounouchi's voice squeezed out of the door alongside Kaiba, scraping against his eardrums as it careened into the streets, no doubt causing vibrations and shockwaves and massive property damage. He was probably one of those people who spat and trod gum into the street. Disgusting. 

Kaiba also heard Yuugi's sigh of amused admonishment. "I will," he answered sincerely. "See you later, Jou!" 

"Yeah, yeah, see you Yuug," Jounouchi called out, this time sending Yuugi's poor, tiny, defenceless form riding out on his soundwave. Kaiba removed his foot to let the door close by itself rather than slam it shut. That would have been petulant. 

"Do you have any requests?" Kaiba asked his companion stiffly as he led the way to his car. Polite, useful small talk. 

"Hmm." As always, Yuugi took some time thinking it over, before the usual, "Is there something you would like?" that he issued as he slid into the front passenger seat and neatly buckled himself in. 

Kaiba started up the engine of the nondescript Nissan. He was not looking to draw attention today. "It is harder to find suitable restaurants for this new diet than I anticipated, but Mokuba has recently recommended me a place called Brown Rice Cafe."

"Oooh, let's go there then," Yuugi decided, and they were off. Yuugi rarely had specific requests, and Kaiba still couldn't tell if it was genuine indecision or misplaced generosity. 

At their destination, they were at request tucked away into a quiet corner of the establishment. Its high windowed walls provided pleasant natural light in addition to the copper-wire framed light bulbs that hung low from the ceiling, evenly spaced among stalactite clusters of fake long grass. This would be the sixth of their monthly lunches that had burrowed their way into Kaiba's schedule and started nesting. 

It had started when Yuugi had expressed an interest in the production side of the gaming industry, in potentially even designing his own games one day, and had come to Kaiba one morning asking for general advice. Kaiba had decided that a lunch meeting would be the easiest option for them, and Yuugi had mentioned a new American-style diner that he'd been wanting to try. Kaiba had held a larger-than-slight concern that Yuugi was tricking him into a social activity, and been pleasantly surprised when they'd spent the hour talking about the current trends in tabletop RPGs. Only after the fifth lunch in as many months did it occur to Kaiba that the King of Games would be excellent at springing traps. By that point, it seemed that cancelling would be conceding defeat. At least Yuugi kept the discussion relatively business. 

"What were you and Jou talking about?" Yuugi asked as food was set before them. 

Most of the time. 

"Nothing of consequence," Kaiba answered, watching as Yuugi began to tuck in. "He was merely utilising his talent for being an irritation. It is his only skill, so I suppose I cannot fault him for using whatever opportunity he can get to feel competent at something."

Yuugi frowned while chewing, and Kaiba thought that he really should be used to his derision by now. "Try that again without the insults, Kaiba," he said after swallowing. "He seemed in a good mood, but obviously you weren't, so what happened?" 

The concern was almost as touching as it was patronising, and Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Don't fret, Yuugi, you don't have to take him to a trainer." 

"But?" 

"But nothing," Kaiba said as he started on the spread before them, an assortment of mismatched bowls attempting to convey a sense of homeliness that went completely against the carefully cultivated decor. "He just… he gets under my skin. That is all."

Yuugi watched him for a second. “Okay then.” Sampling what Kaiba was discovering to be some perfectly crisped vegetables, he asked, “Mokuba’s recommendation? Bit healthy for me, but it’s good. He’s leaving for uni soon, isn’t he? Next month?”

Kaiba’s grip on his chopsticks tightened. “Yes, he is.”

***

When Kaiba’s secretary informed him she was sending someone to the shop, as she usually did, and did he want anything, as she usually asked, he found himself hesitating for a moment. 

“Bubble gum,” he answered.

She raised her eyebrows, but nodded as if this was a perfectly normal request from him. “What flavour?” 

What flavours did bubble gum come in? Kaiba didn’t know. “Anything that isn’t pink,” he decreed.

***

To make Kaiba’s day even worse, Mokuba brought home a bad idea. He’d brought up said bad idea multiple times, but Kaiba hadn’t expected him to go out and follow through on it. Mokuba was rather adept at persuading him into things, but on this, Kaiba would not budge.

“I’m calling her Hungry Burger,” Mokuba stated from where he sat cross legged on the foyer floor, arms wrapped around a medium sized white and dusty gold dog, which looked somewhat nervous. The last part was the most shocking; Kaiba hadn’t considered before that dogs might have the capability to be nervous. But the animal certainly wasn’t entirely comfortable, tail hovering about its legs as it stood, licking its nose repeatedly, eyes peering up and about. It wasn’t about to attack anyone at least, if the way it leaned its head into Mokuba for protection was any indication. If Mokuba still had long hair, the pitiful creature would no doubt be hiding under it. 

Not that Kaiba knew anything about dogs, which was why this was such a bad idea. 

“You’re also moving out next month,” Kaiba pointed out. “You can’t keep a dog in halls, Mokie.”

“No, I can’t,” Mokuba agreed, as if this did not present a problem. 

Kaiba folded his arms and prepared to use his authoritative big brother-slash-parental guardian voice. “Mokie-”

It was a shame that Mokuba was now in his late teens and tended to respond to that tone more negatively now. “We have plenty of room here both inside and outside, she’s already trained, and if you stop deliberately overworking yourself you’ll have the time, if you work with Isono,” he argued, chin in the air, grey eyes fixed on Kaiba’s with determination. Arms tightening.

“Careful,” Kaiba warned upon seeing the dog stumble and wiggle at the increase in pressure around it. This was a mistake, which Kaiba realised the moment Mokuba smiled at him for it and immediately relaxed his grip. It was one of his more impish smiles. Kaiba scowled. “Just because I don’t want you to smother it to death doesn’t mean we can keep it.”

“Her,” corrected Mokuba. “She’s a good girl. Come and say hi.”

The dog looked up at Kaiba with small, bright eyes, tail slowly emerging from between her legs, and Kaiba resolutely did not move. He didn’t have time for any kind of pet, let alone one as high maintenance as a dog. It would need walking, bathing, grooming, _affection_ , none of which Kaiba had any interest in giving it. Her. _It_. Why did Mokuba have to do this _now_? And with a _dog_? Kaiba had wanted a dog at one point in his life, but he’d received a brother instead and been well pleased about it. Mokuba didn’t even know about that. A cat would’ve been better; Kaiba didn’t know much about cat ownership either, but he was fairly certain they didn’t need walks. 

It was hesitantly wagging its tail now. “She’d been at the shelter for ages. They said she bit her previous owner,” Mokuba said softly, releasing the now curious animal to pad up to Kaiba, claws making little scratching, clicking sounds on the hardwood floor. It sniffed him, almost politely, twitching its floppy ears. "They were going to have to put her down."

“We can’t keep her, Mokie,” Kaiba sighed.

“Two weeks,” Mokuba bargained. “She can stay two weeks, for me to find a new owner. And if I can’t by then, I’ll take her back myself. Please.”

“One week,” Kaiba shot back. “And you’re taking care of her.”

Mokuba smiled again, an easy, soft expression, as he leapt to his feet to wrap Kaiba into a hug. As annoyed as he was, Kaiba couldn’t help but return it. Mokuba’s chin rested on his shoulder. They were nearly of equal height now, but Kaiba knew they could never be mistaken for each other. Not when Mokuba's face could so easily contort in motions that did not naturally occur to himself. 

“Deal,” Mokuba agreed. 

To her credit, Hungry Burger said nothing. 

***

Sitting at his desk in his home office, safe and sound from prying eyes and with an instructional article open in front of him, Kaiba took out the packet of bubble gum and glared at it for a few seconds before ripping it open. According to his research, a beginner such as himself should start with one piece, and he cursed Jounouchi for rigging the game in his favour. 

The first instruction was easy enough to follow. Chew until the gum is soft and pliant. Kaiba figured his teeth were allowed for this step, and the melon flavour, while not exactly approximating melon itself, was more manageable than whatever the pink abomination had been aiming for. The brand was different to the one Jounouchi had favoured, and instead of coming individual wrapped chunks the gum came in little pellets that crunched under his teeth. 

Rolling the gum into a wad with his tongue was a little more complex a task, but he managed this too with relative efficiency, as he did pressing said wad against his teeth. Perhaps without those disturbingly bright brown eyes mocking him, Kaiba would be able to relax, concentrate, and clear this obstacle course. Shoving his tongue through the flattened gum, Kaiba blew out, and-

Nothing. 

Well, it was only a first attempt. ( _First._ The game shop didn’t count.) Kaiba knew, logically, that he couldn’t expect to instantly master everything he tried. So he tried again, and-

Absolutely nothing. 

Pulling the gum off his tongue to examine it, trying to ignore how utterly disgusting the action was, Kaiba found a large hole in the unevenly flat surface. Perhaps he was being too rough with his tongue or ripping it against his teeth. He tried again, forcing himself to go slower and with a lighter touch. 

He blew out, and an uncooperative wad of gum landed square in the middle of his monitor before pinging down to contaminate his keyboard.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes as he picked up the sticky nuisance, and threw it in the trash hard enough that the metal basket actually wobbled. Then he scrubbed at his monitor, keyboard, and hand with a wet wipe. He was a fucking CEO, a Duel Monsters champion, had graduated top of his year, survived more _bullshit_ than he cared to think about, and he _would_ master the simple act of blowing fucking bubble gum.

After the passing of an amount of time he did not like to think about, Kaiba was out of gum, dizzy from sugar and rage, and hadn’t managed a single bubble. It was _absurd._ This was something that children could master, and Kaiba was twenty-one; he hadn’t considered himself a child for thirteen years. Forget children, this was something that _Jounouchi_ could master, and that was far worse. Then again, did that not prove what an idiotic endeavour this was? A skill for children and morons. 

Kaiba swept the empty wrappings into his wastebasket, and chugged down water to get the now horrid taste of faux-melon out of his mouth. Resolving that he would end this petty and childish pursuit, Kaiba turned his concentration to the R&D proposals pouting at him from their open window, which had admittedly become more of a token gesture than anything else. He was an adult now, and he had far more important concerns than whether or not he could successfully flatten and then inflate a piece of gum with his mouth. 

***

“Blueberry,” Kaiba told his secretary. 

She nodded, but didn’t leave immediately. “And anything for her?” she asked.

Kaiba looked down at the dog at his feet, laying with the posture of a sphinx but none of the gravity. The fifth day of fostership, and already there was no one available to keep an eye on the animal but him, Mokuba and Isono being out conducting a survey of KaibaLand. Kaiba had initially suggested (argued) that the animal might even appreciate a long tour of the park as her daily outing. Mokuba had countered that he didn’t want her to run off and get lost in the maze of attractions and unsuitable foods, and especially didn’t want her running into the construction sites they’d be visiting. Kaiba had glared down at the creature’s eyes flicking between them, following the debate, and verbally conceded that allowing a dog near the digging and building sites was out of the question. That KaibaLand was a noisy, bustling, hectic place and that the dog still seemed rather nervous had absolutely nothing to do with his decision. 

Hence, Kaiba had brought Hungry Burger into the KaibaCorp offices through his private elevator, and given his secretary strict instruction to tell absolutely no one or she was fired (a threat which she had raised a single eyebrow at before getting back to work). For her own part, Hungry Burger had sniffed about the room before settling down with her head on Kaiba’s feet, a dish of water next to one desk leg. The weight was foreign and warm. He would have to leave early. Damn nuisance. 

He also hadn’t brought any food with him. What was it that Mokuba had given her the other day…

After a long pause, Kaiba looked up. “Peanut butter.”

Kaiba did not appreciate the small, amused smile he received, and when he told his secretary she was fired she simply rolled her eyes and went back to work. Mokuba had better find a new owner fast. 

***

Finding that his nearest convenience store did not stock anything beyond the basic, Kaiba begrudgingly bought a pack of something describing itself as ‘bubblemint’ when he felt he had been staring at the selection for too long not to get something. 

He quickly discovered it wasn't bubble gum, and tasted of migraines. Thankfully, pralines and cream flavoured vape got the worst of the taste out of his mouth. At least he could blow smoke rings with no difficulty. He’d always made sure never to smoke around Mokuba, but his brother still insisted that cigarettes were bad for him and he should quit anyway. 

***

It was raining lightly, more a gentle tickle of water than anything else, as Kaiba inspected the property of the Noguchi family. Even in the dark he could see that there was an ample enough garden - especially by Domino City standards - and the house itself was moderately sized. Several pairs of shoes lay scattered in the hallway leading in from the front door. Kaiba stood just before the threshold, Hungry Burger at his feet. 

"She's very pretty," said Mrs Noguchi from where she leaned against the door frame with folded arms and an expression of disinterest. "I didn't know dogs could have blue eyes. What breed did you say she was?" 

"I didn't," Kaiba responded. His knowledge of dog breeds was far from expert, and Mokuba hadn't said. She could be pedigree, she could be some street mongrel for all he knew. His money was on street mongrel.

Mrs Noguchi shrugged. "I suppose it doesn't really matter. My boys weren't specific."

As if in answer to the woman's statement, there was a great thudding from the floor above of two pairs of feet running rampant, and Kaiba steeled himself as Mrs Noguchi leaned back to yell into the house for her sons to quiet down. They answered with laughter and even louder stomping, and Mrs Noguchi excused herself to disappear up the stairs and reprimand them. 

Kaiba felt Hungry Burger lean into his legs, and looked down at her. Small, bright eyes looked imploringly into his and a barely audible whine reached his ears. 

"Oh shit, dog!" yelled a boy in his mid-teens from the top of the stairs, who ignored his mother's scolding in favour of stamping down towards the object of his attention. Said object's ears flattened backwards, and Kaiba crouched down to put a hand around her damp collar. "Can I pet him?" 

" _No_ ," Kaiba surprised himself by saying firmly, startling the now pouting boy out of the beginnings of an attempt. Straightening up, Kaiba reflected on what a complete waste of time this had been, bidding Mrs Noguchi goodbye without bothering with an explanation. Once back in the back of Kaiba's car, the inconvenient creature's tail started wagging again. 

When he got home, Kaiba gave Mokuba a stern talking-to about finding a home that was properly suitable, arguing he could hardly give a dog with a history of violence to a family with children. Mokuba reasoned that both of the children were teens, should know how to behave, and that he'd done some digging and Hungry Burger's previous owner had been a ‘scumbag who probably deserved it.’ 

Kaiba resolved to start searching himself, and settled into a deep concentration on his laptop on a sofa, trying to find a potential owner. It was around the two hour mark when, entertaining the idea of coffee, he looked down at his left hand and realised it was repeatedly stroking the sleeping dog on the sofa next to him. 

***

It took a few days for Kaiba to get through a pack of grape flavoured gum, and despite all his efforts he achieved no satisfactory results. He tried and tried, the taste of sugar constant and dizzying, but no bubble ever made it out of his lips. 

***

Releasing Hungry Burger from her leash, Kaiba couldn't entirely blame her for immediately skittering off in the opposite direction to the source of the noise. His brother wasn't leaving for another few days, but it had been the last night all of the desired guests could attend. Kaiba readied to make a socially mandated appearance, and mused that the dog did have her benefits after all. She'd provided him with an excuse to arrive when most everyone was likely gone, and been far greater, quieter company. 

Strutting into the living area nearest the kitchen - it was _his_ house, and they'd do well to remember it - Kaiba found Mokuba, Yuugi, Jounouchi, Honda, and three of Mokuba's high school friends from his own peer group. Offering a stiff greeting to all, Kaiba was met with entirely too earnest a response. 

Even Jounouchi tipped an empty bottle in his direction before taking a non-sip. “Man, I still can’t believe you made it to twenty-two without ever having bubble gum.”

“Twenty-one,” Kaiba corrected, and at the confused expressions he received from his school peers, explained that while, yes, his birthday _was_ in October, he had also skipped a year. He immediately regretted doing so when all three of them exclaimed that he was a baby, and only grinned wider when he attempted to dissuade them of the notion. 

Perhaps attempting to broker peace, Yuugi offered up a bag of practically poisonous looking sweets, which Kaiba declined. He would have something substantial to eat later, he said. The mention of food resulted in Jounouchi tossing the bag of gummies aside, passionately declaring that "a guy's gotta eat to grow big and strong," and stumbling slightly as he vanished into the kitchen, dragging Honda with him. Supposing him to be hungry himself, and starting on a bottle of his own, Kaiba made sardonic remarks on the edges of Yuugi’s conversation with Mokuba’s friend instead of following the ignoramus. Apparently there was a new Duel Monsters tournament being run soon, at a romantic getaway resort somewhere in America. Tag-team, couples only. Utterly ridiculous. Kaiba occupied himself righteously mocking the concept until Jounouchi reemerged with a almost certainly ruined frying pan.

“Here are your eggs, sir!” Jounouchi announced, presenting his inedible dish with the deepest and least respectful bow Kaiba had ever seen. He seemed thoroughly unrepentant, even offended, when Kaiba hauled him back to the kitchen with significant force. Folding his arms and fixing the idiot with the trademark Seto Kaiba glare that allowed no escape, Kaiba was pouted at as he made Jounouchi clean up his mess. Mokuba's cackle followed them out of the room, as did Yuugi's odd smile. 

***

When he returned from Osaka, Kaiba found a package on his bed with a label indicating it was from the brother that he’d just helped settle in a new city. Unwrapping it, he found a small, pink bottle of original bubble gum flavour vape juice. He snorted. Perhaps he _had_ mentioned how much he hated it a few too many times. 

***

The second prospective owner Kaiba visited wanted a pure breed. The third didn’t answer the door. The fourth had multiple other dogs that were loud and raucous. The fifth had a very small house. There was technically nothing wrong with the sixth, but Kaiba thought there was an odd glint in his eyes. 

The Kaiba mansion was a large building. Very large. It hadn’t been especially loud before Mokuba left, but it seemed especially quiet with him gone. 

Hungry Burger started greeting Kaiba with a happy bark every time he came home after an absence longer than thirty minutes. Finding a new owner was proving to be more trouble than taking care of her, Kaiba decided, and stopped looking.

***

One morning, Kaiba was jolted into waking by a dog carefully dropping a shoe on his thudding head, only to find that he'd never made it off the couch, and that it wasn’t actually morning. His call log showed a six minute conversation with Yuugi which he remembered with unfortunate clarity despite the empty bottle next to him, and a check of his emails showed confirmation of acceptance into a Duel Monsters tournament. When they met for lunch a few days later, Kaiba was surprised when Yuugi not only didn’t ask for him to call it off, but indicated excitement with a glint in his eyes. Something to look forward to, Kaiba supposed with numb acceptance.

***

Kaiba didn't strictly _need_ to personally examine all, if any, of the proposals, memos, reports, and such that he demanded be sent to him. But he preferred to run a tight ship, lest it swerve away from his desired course, and if that meant working early hours, late hours, and all the hours in between, then that was a small price to pay. Besides, what was the alternative? Kaiba had no intention of _slacking._ Spare time was for people who didn't know what they were doing with their lives, and Kaiba knew what he was doing at all times. 

That didn't mean looking at legalese for hours was particularly enjoyable for him, however. In fact, he was developing a desire to hit his head against something, but he was jolted from this by his voice assistant informing him he had a personal call. 

"Incoming call from: Katsuya Jounouchi. Status: urgent."

Did the moron have _nothing_ better to do on a Friday evening? Bracing himself for idiocy with the grit of a seasoned sailor readying for a storm, Kaiba held the phone against his ear and hit accept.

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?" Jounouchi asked with no preamble. 

Kaiba refused to respond and wondered why he ever bothered picking up. It was _never_ urgent. One day Jounouchi was going to become the boy who cried wolf. 

"My ass," Jounouchi said with glee. 

A few seconds passed while Kaiba searched for a reaction. 

“...Moron,” he eventually muttered, and hung up. 

Turning back to his monitor, Kaiba found his concentration ruined. Ugh. He supposed it _was_ 20:12. Nudging Hungry Burger awake before heading down in his private elevator, he chewed the last of an orange flavoured pack. Without particularly thinking about what he was doing, Kaiba succeeded in blowing a small bubble that immediately popped and startled him. The sensation of stringy gum clinging to his lips was horribly unpleasant and sticky as he tried to get it off with his hands. What a lot of work and mess for only the tiniest, most useless reward. What a stupid, juvenile, _embarassing_ pursuit. 

Attempts to recreate the result bore no fruit, and Kaiba bizarrely found himself craving saccharine pink.

**Author's Note:**

> I learned to blow bubble gum this year after my best friend expressed astonishment I'd never tried it before (charlie, if ur reading this, sorry i stole ur real life dialogue). Got halfway through a pack with no success when i thought to myself, 'damn, this this would make a great metaphor about being unable to process your emotions as a result of growing up too fast and never learning how to do inane things like blow bubble gum and date people. i gotta write kaiba doing this.'
> 
> thanks for reading! my tumblr is dominocity


End file.
